As a young Christian, growing in the grace and faith of Jesus Christ, I oftentimes have so many questions. What is my purpose? God is all-knowing, so why did He create us, knowing that we would choose to disobey and bring sin (and with it suffering and death) into the world? Why does He allow young children to be violated and abused? Why does He allow women to be marginalized? Why does He allow my heart to be broken over and over again? How could He allow me, and so many like me, to struggle with depression - to spend years in the crippling battle against our own minds? Why is it that the harder I try, the worse I become?
Most times, when I ask these questions out loud, I am pointed to the book of Job. Many of us have heard this story: Job was a righteous man and Satan accused God of coddling Job and, as such, Job's faithfulness to God was nothing more than the natural display of affection of man to someone who gives that man everything he could ever desire. So God allows Satan to take away everything - his family, his health, his wealth. Still Job was faithful to the end.
While this particular story is very encouraging, it doesn't really answer any questions that I have. If anything, it has always left me with more questions. I mean, God is omniscient - all knowing - which means that He knew that Job would have been faithful to the end. What about the millions that attempt suicide each year, and the estimated million that are actually successful? Did God mistakenly believe that we - that they - could handle the burden that we bear daily? Through lots of reading (of the Bible), God has revealed many things to me.
I have found that prayer is so very important. The Bible says that we should, "Cast thy burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain thee:.." (Psalms 55:22) Prayer is not for God's benefit - it's for our own. Sometimes, just knowing that we put the situation into God's hands, knowing that He promised to hear our prayers and respond, helps to lift our spirits. Sometimes, it's not even a solution that we need, just someone to talk to, and some things are too personal to share with others. But God tells us that we have a Friend who sticks closer than a brother. I have found that I often under-utilize the lifeline that I have in Christ, and I'm working on making use of that more often.
While prayer is extremely important, I've realized (and this is the main point of this entry) that God is God. There's a song by Hilary Scott and the Scott family ('Thy Will be Done') and there's a particular line that sums up the essence of what I mean. She sings, "Sometimes I gotta stop, remember that You're God and I am not." Trying to figure out God is futile. God does not think the way we think; He does not operate the way we do (Isaiah 55:8). Sometimes, most times, I've realized that in my finite thinking, I get depressed because I cannot figure out an escape route from the hurt and pain. And it's still a work in progress, but I'm learning to trust in God because I'm starting to understand that God can make the most unbelievable way out of any situation for me. I'm realizing that I don't have all the answers and that's perfectly fine because I don't have to have all the answers. God knows exactly what the problem is, He knows how to fix it - if it even needs to be fixed, and when to do so. It's going to take some time, but I'm learning now that if God doesn't fix it for me, then it won't kill me, even if it hurts like hell, and that it's my own lack of faith and trust in God that is making the situation a million times worse than it really is.
I still have a lot of questions. The further along I go, the more questions form. However, I'm learning to find peace in the unknown; I'm learning to be at peace in the middle of an uncertain world.
While prayer is extremely important, I've realized (and this is the main point of this entry) that God is God. There's a song by Hilary Scott and the Scott family ('Thy Will be Done') and there's a particular line that sums up the essence of what I mean. She sings, "Sometimes I gotta stop, remember that You're God and I am not." Trying to figure out God is futile. God does not think the way we think; He does not operate the way we do (Isaiah 55:8). Sometimes, most times, I've realized that in my finite thinking, I get depressed because I cannot figure out an escape route from the hurt and pain. And it's still a work in progress, but I'm learning to trust in God because I'm starting to understand that God can make the most unbelievable way out of any situation for me. I'm realizing that I don't have all the answers and that's perfectly fine because I don't have to have all the answers. God knows exactly what the problem is, He knows how to fix it - if it even needs to be fixed, and when to do so. It's going to take some time, but I'm learning now that if God doesn't fix it for me, then it won't kill me, even if it hurts like hell, and that it's my own lack of faith and trust in God that is making the situation a million times worse than it really is.
I still have a lot of questions. The further along I go, the more questions form. However, I'm learning to find peace in the unknown; I'm learning to be at peace in the middle of an uncertain world.
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